If You Think Crabs Are Bad Revenge, Just Wait Until You See the STD Store
We wrote up a piece a few months back about a site that actually sells crabs specifically so you can get back at your ex, and we thought that was so terrifically horrible it deserved a certified Insulting write-up, but we had no idea how far some will go to ruin the lives of others.
The STD Store doesn’t just sell lesser curable nuisances, they’re willing to do the whole damn deal, complete with herpes, hepatitis and HIV… and how can they sell these terrors at such low prices? It isn’t volume, its offshore operation. The internet keeps shrinking the world, and now your enemy’s genitals can enjoy the same downgrade.
And as far as unreal sites go, this one is just a bit too convincing for my taste. The shopping cart actually works, and short of putting in my real credit card (no way in hell!) there’s nothing I could find that says these guys aren’t legit, and that’s a terrifying idea for our world, our children’s world, and the poor previously undestroyed kid-junk or our children as well.
Click here to visit the STD Store at www.porn.net/corporate/std_store/.
Site Offers an Abortion Pill Called the LifeSaver™, Which Dudes Can Slip to Their Unsuspecting Ladies
We really go out of our way to find the newest, most insulting sites on the web, but this one has got to be right up there. It’s apparently a product that acts exactly like the RU486 abortion pill (the one that makes women excrete their unborn children) except that you can buy it without a prescription, and it gets worse.
You can also buy it without a vagina, so they’re basically selling it to dudes. They have all kinds of instructions about how you can slip it in your girlfriend’s drink, hide it in her food, or even rub it into her skin.
So basically you can buy it, give it to her, and the baby is gone. They’ve got all kinds of justifications like gender inequality and equal rights, but it’s a horrible, horrible thing, and I don’t know what kind of sick bastard would come up with this, even as a joke.
Click here to visit the LifeSaver site directly at www.porn.net/corporate/lifesaver/.
Tron Guy of Jimmy Kimmel Fame Wants a Formidable Opponent… also Sidekick, Secret Lair and Girlfriend
I remember seeing this guy years ago and thinking he was just a flash in the pan. That flash of brilliant flame has grown into a full-on grease fire, and he isn’t just back with a vengeance, it seems somehow that Tron Guy never left.
Since his days as a second-rate fill-in yuckster on Kimmel, he’s become rich enough to buy a brand new, custom (Tron-theme) painted airplane, but he’s apparently decided to strike out on his own as the world’s first true-to-life Batman-style vigilante. The site reads pretty straightforward, and unless I missed something, it’s really him.
I’d normally say, “talk about disturbing” at this point, but I’m too busy trying to keep my lunch down while looking at the pictures of him in his one-piece manotard… that’s what you call a unisexual retard in a man-shaped single-piece suit, isn’t it?
Click here to visit www.SeekingArchNemesis.com.
Worried About Illegal Immigrants? Put Your Fears to Bed; Spay or Neuter Your Mexicans Today and Forget the Fuss
It may not sound like your thing, but it makes perfect sense if you think about it. We’re not really worried about Mexicans taking our sub-minimum wage jobs or even living in our neighborhoods, what we fear is that they’ll overrun this great land of ours, and plainly we can’t let that happen, so what’s the solution?
Spay or Neuter your Mexican! Now you can let as many of them come to the states and pay our taxes as long as they like, so long as we can all rest assured they’ll die out in a single generation. Thanks to mandatory spaying and neutering, even your gardener can contribute to society without any fear his children will rise to power and overthrow you.
Click here to visit www.NeuterMexicans.com.
Fake a Piss Test? No Biggy, Peesurance.com Will Sell You Pregnant Heroine Pee If That’s What You Want
Every now and again we find a site that’s wrong on so many levels it’s hard to explain, but it’s pretty rare that we find one even more wrong that that, and Peesurance.com is just that sort of head-scratching curiosity.
It’s one thing to sell urine that can get you past a drug test, but these guys have a whole farm system and they take all goers, it seems. If you’re a straight-laced young dude with a family stranger than you and money to throw down to throw them for a loop, here’s you big chance, because you can bust that family intervention next month to pieces when you give your golden sample that proves you ARE on drugs (and you can pick which ones) and you can even make it look like you’re a pregnant bitch.
This is seriously messed up, but if you want to buy clean, dirty or pregnant pee (as the site says, it’s “for entertainment purposes only,” but yeah, that’s REAL entertaining ya weirdos) there’s a place where you do it online.
Check out the site online at www.Peesurance.com.
Strangest Choice in Exotic Meats; RatBeef.com Offers Premium Cuts of Filthy Rodents
Forget alligator and snake, the new savory taste in exotic meats is as red as venison, if a bit smaller in stature. If you’re looking for a little something unique on your BBQ, it hardly gets smaller than a rat. They don’t sell rat veal yet, so no baby rats, which has to count for something.
This is as real as a questionable site can get. It’s got all the login pages, contact information, tons of pictures that sickeningly do not look Photoshopped. I hope it isn’t fake, but even if they are on the up-and-up, you won’t find me buying from them any time soon.
“Since 1906 our original company has merchant the finest quality Rat Meats for local and world markets as leading company but also for mail order as from 2002 official export license permission…” yikes.
Click here to visit www.RatBeef.com.
Strangest, Creepiest Product Ever. The Analometer™ Gets Stuffed In Butt to Constantly Check Your Temperature… For Safety!
As technological innovators ourselves, we’re really big fans of almost everything that comes from the constant innovation that fuels the advance of our world. We think that dicer/slicer thing on late night infomercials is pretty slick, and also the WonderBlade and the Greased Monkey, but nothing has struck us as so fanciful, useful, life-saving, and still oddly disturbing as the Analometer™ offered by www.Analometer.com.
Imagine a device designed for Smoke Jumpers they can snugly stuff in their keisters to monitor their core temperatures and protect them from hyperthermia. It’s bulky, expensive and anything but practical, but when it comes to saving the lives of the people who technically have to save our lives, I guess nothing is too good, too expensive, or too painfully bulky in the butt.
It’s a really smart idea, but the execution of it is so terrible I can’t even imagine how they got funding for it, but we’re not here to say what makes an anal instrument good or bad, but rather to point out that they exist… and that the government is already throwing money at them, and on the verge of making them mandatory… nice.
Centuries of Secrecy Finally Unveiled; The illuminati is taking public applications for members, and even you can join
This site is a really weird one. Either somebody had too much time on their hands they went overboard with a fake illuminati hoax, or they had so much of that same time they just founded the illuminati themselves.
The research is strikingly deep and drills all the way down to root causes (and winners) of world wars, while throwing in some pretty unique theories about Adolf himself. Definitely worth a look, though the plausibility of it is dubious at best.
Don’t Get Mad Or Even, But Win the Bitter Game with RevengeCrabs.com
If you’ve ever loved and lost, you know true pain. But if you’ve ever been burned in a more visceral way, maybe you don’t need to get over it, but get some Revenge Crabs and get even a bit.
We don’t endorse the purchase of farm-raised pubic lice sold specifically to get even with your ex, but we can see why you might want to, and can’t help but think it’s a pretty brilliant idea. I don’t know where this was when I was in college, and I don’t care, because I think I’m going back this weekend.
Worst case scenario I come up with a reason to throw down my cash to get even in ways that can’t even land me in jail. Nasty, yes, but really, it’s just nice.
Herbal Remedy Uniquely Formulated Specifically to Make Women Not Dumb… If That’s Possible
I don’t personally buy in to all the hype about herbal remedies. Vitamins are well and good, but as soon as some snake oil salesman starts telling me I can grow a bigger man-dong or more hair, or that my lady can magically sprout bigger girly nubs at the age of 30, my scam-dar starts beeping at full volume.
I can’t imagine this is real, but it sure reads like every other miracle product I’ve seen. This company promises an all-natural herbal supplement that can make a woman actually cease to be dumb… No more being lied to by mechanics or expecting flowers on random calendar dates; this formula can cure all that and give her a sense of humor, if you take enough of them. If it sounds too good to be true, it probably means there’s just no cure for girls being a tad behind the times.
